Friday, October 22, 2010

How to make a Key/Kyoto Animation show

I have just finished “Clannad: After Story”. Look, I really, really tried to give this, Air and Kanon a fair hearing, but in the end I couldn’t. I love stuff like "To Heart" and other slice of life shows, but I just think these Key/Kyoto Animation shows are so poorly written and conform to the same basic plot elements every time (the artwork is lovely though). You could probably make you own anime using the basic plot elements of all three shows;

1). Setting must be a small quiet town
First and foremost, you have a dull but pretty looking setting. A small Japanese town, but big enough to have a high school and hospital. And maybe a family restaurant, where the waitresses wear maid-like uniforms.

2). Must have sarcastic male lead
Very, very important. Must be a bit of a no-hoper, maybe down on his luck, but no loser. Must be sarcastic as hell, but friendly to ALL women. Tragic and/or difficult background a bonus. Must not have a girlfriend, but must be quite good looking.

3). Must have lead infantile girl with annoying catchphrases
Extremely important. In fact the key (no pun intended) to the show. This character is central to the plot of the show. The character must be non-threatening, cute, small, girly, grossly infantile compared to her actual age and in constant need of help. From our sarcastic male lead. Most important of all is that stupid catchphrases and annoying traits can be used in lieu of any character development.

4). Lots of troubled girls who need help from a special boy (i.e. sarcastic male lead)
Another very important element. Just like the overdone harem genre, there must be a core number of females, each with their own distinct personality and idiosyncrasies who interact with sarcastic male lead on a daily basis. Just like infantile girl with annoying catchphrases, troubled girls can have stupid catchphrases and annoying traits that can be used in lieu of any character development. It is quite important to try to make most of the troubled girls as non-threatening as possible. Even the ones which appear to be threating are in fact sweetness and light underneath. Most importantly troubled girls must have deep dark psychological problems that only sarcastic male lead can help with. sarcastic male lead will go to any length to help, but usually will not become romantically linked with any of the troubled girls.

5). Mysterious illnesses
Usually this is coupled with infantile girl with annoying catchphrases. In NO circumstances must the audience know what this illness is. Parent or carer of child with mysterious illness must never be seen to make any real attempt to get medical treatment for the child, nor place them in hospital. In all cases it is important that no one inside or outside the family makes any suggestion that the sick child in question gets any medical treatment regardless of how much the child suffers or how close to death the child is.

6). The forgotten past
This is usually the sarcastic male lead’s domain. The rule here is that sarcastic male lead must have forgotten memories of usually a traumatic nature involving one or several of the troubled girls, but not necessarily infantile girl with annoying catchphrases. However many people, mostly adults, will have full knowledge of what happened to sarcastic male lead and will go to extreme lengths to hide this from him. Even when it is blatantly clear that sarcastic male lead is suffering and the pain could be stopped by telling him about his forgotten past, everyone will refuse to tell him.

7). Supernatural occurrences
Another important element. In almost all cases this involves sarcastic male lead and infantile girl with annoying catchphrases, but also one or several plot threads including at least one troubled girl. Supernatural occurrences can have no hint of malice whatsoever. The supernatural occurrences can be as illogical and stupid as possible and are often tied into sarcastic male lead’s forgotten past.

8). Characters who make stupid, illogical decisions
Regardless of then offers of help, and the wide range of family, friends and others who can provide assistance, characters must always pick the outcome that delivers the most tragic circumstances. For example if sarcastic male lead requires money to look after a sick person, they must proudly refuse this money as well as any offers of help. Usually tragedy is the outcome, even when it is blatantly obvious to sarcastic male lead that he is in dire need of help.

9). Relationships must be oddly platonic with no hints of fan service or S-E-X
Despite the fact these shows are marketed to, specifically created for and watched by young males, there will never, ever be any gratuitous panty or breast shots. The show will just about be sanitised of all fanservice. Despite the relationships developed the show, there will be (almost) absolutely no direct references to sexual intercourse of any kind. It always important to make sarcastic male lead as seemingly uninterested in sex as possible (even if his best male friend is a complete pervert). In fact make it look like he has interest in women only as friends, despite the fact he is a heterosexual teenage boy with raging hormones. Even if sarcastic male lead does have a relationship with a woman, only kissing can be shown on the very, very rare occasion. But it must be sweet innocent stuff, none of that French kissing stuff. Depict the sexual relationships in the show as if you were making for an ultra-conservative Christian TV network.

Add in tons of merchandise, and you have a sure fire hit. God, I really don't get these shows... Honestly I didn't mind the first series of Clannad. That was an alright show.

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